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SaintAlien

Thank you EN 

Here's an update: 

My son had a report card pickup yesterday which I must attend and speak to his advisor: He is honor roll / ACT was top in his school / has all A+'s again (this is gold standard with him) but - he won't stop drawing on his homework / essays and whenever he's bored.  This is a distraction and he's in a very private school that I pay a shit ton for him to attend with a huge waiting list.  They don't fuck around in tossing kids out who don't do what they say.  He's also the ONLY person in that ENTIRE SCHOOL who doesn't do any clubs :(  Hes allowed to apply to create one and they will fund him for it - we urged him to create a club based around the graphic novels and drawings. He's so timid of others that I can't see him doing this.  On the way home I was pretty pissed but I don't yell, I do that "grit the teeth mom thing" when I talk.  He said he can't control it and I notice it at home - he's incredibly talented - but it's like manic.  I think his med is making him obsessive with this, I asked his advisor if he noticed an increase since the meds - and it was yes. He was just upped to 20mg's of Prozac 3 weeks ago. He's had no other side effects other than sweating (he's on a topical med for it). Otherwise - all good

Insurance called yesterday at noon and rental car was hell to get but it appeared at 3:30 :) policy holders accept all liability (I have so much proof it's insane). I will be covered for lost wages but require a Dr's note stating that I couldn't work. I have had a hard time finding time to take care of me.  I may be on here all day but I do a lot of other shit online as well.  I haven't had the time to sit in the ER for hours to get a note.  The pain has increased so bad though that today I gotta go. The headaches are horrific and I had a head injury with a closed concussion in Oct where I was insane / mean / rude / during that time and I'm afraid maybe it's till a tad fragile there. The head injury was from sex lol.  My partner is 6ft 5 and 250lbs of lean muscle. The headboard dislodged and knocked me out solid. I'm fairly small so his uh push (tmi) was fairly hard and the headboard probably weighs 200lbs too. He actually broke it when it crashed on my head. 

but insurance has me covered and I will sue this jackhole policy owner for everything - I've never sued anyone and the most I've had to do is DMCA's on tabloids so I don't know what or how, but I know to get the lawyer who handles cases he wins and has a rep for being "that lawyer". 

Yesterday had an upswing but I'm hurting, running out of meds and sad. Knowing I have barbs here, 100's of them (I can't take them because of the med I'm on - it will metabolize it super fast causing withdrawal AND kill me from distress) - it's highly easy but I would ruin my child and no man or situation that won't matter in a few years is worth it.  I do know if this board wasn't here, I may not be either.  It's been all I've had to keep me sane and thinking about other shit / worrying about other shit. So I give myself a break when I'm totally alone during the day. I rarely post when the kid and partner are home, as I'm busy.  I've been out of work due to the wreck (although I've had a few gigs but nothing normal and I've rejected auditions), so this is my solace.

I don't want pity at all, I just needed to vent and I felt it was safe in this thread to do so.  Please excuse that as I know you all are talking about meds right now, and this is off topic. Although, concerning my son who is 16 - if anyone was on meds at that age - PLEASE talk to me about it.  I want to encourage healing by understanding what the meds may be doing to him.

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SaintAlien

I ADDED tinder and my guy is ON THERE! I "liked it" aka match - no match back

BUSTED

/ UPDATED

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PTFC

It's all coming out in the wash now.......

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SaintAlien
6 minutes ago, PTFC said:

It's all coming out in the wash now.......

What is?  Something happening to you? 

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PTFC

No, I was referring to your post!

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SaintAlien

With him on tinder? Well he didn't like me back yet :( lol 

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SaintAlien

I'm fucking losing it

I sincerely don't know how much more I can take

I'm written to be on bed rest with a walker. bed rest with no work for 10 days now and a walker till whenever.  Guess who drives the kid to school and home?  Guess who walks up 3 fucking flights? Guess who carries groceries with the kid and dog up 3 flights? Guess who walks two dogs (pit and chi) and the pit has a torn ligament. Guess who has to go to the bank to deposit rent for May and then get the cashiers check and then drop that shit off - all while standing? ME

Oh and I need to organize and plan a party

I also have 2 scripts (films) that I need to learn my lines - and start rehearsing

He has NOT helped and I was there for  him always.  We still haven't spoken about that lil' whore but I'm fairly evil and I think he's scared I'll rip her face off.  He's home right after work and "oh so sorry" but he's getting me OUT of the house when I should be in it resting.

I told him Im not paying my half of our 3600 rent next month or any bills other than my sons cell phone portion *not his kid. I said "consider this asshole tax"

I just cry constantly and Ive eaten 1 meal in 2 weeks now the rest has been granola. Me and Joy Division or Old ass cure albums on repeat.

I don't know how much more I will and can take

oh and he's still not liked me back on tinder and I need sex even though it'll hurt like hell from the wreck

The kicker would be that I'm pregnant

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daisymay

SaintAlien, you really have every aspect of life crapping on you at once. It's horrible. Something tells me that you're a very strong person, especially since you're able to maintain a sense of humor when everything is falling apart at once. I wish I had known about 'asshole tax' much sooner. All I can really say is that I'm sorry you're going through so much at once, and I'm sending the best possible vibes your way. Stay strong and if you need to rip someone's face off, my vote is for the 'asshole tax' guy.

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SaintAlien

Thanks hon

A few good things have happened - which I'll post when I have time. It's been lawyers / Dr's / physical therapy and life 

But today Prince passed and as I mourn his loss I find comfort in something he said - which applies to us all

 

"Dearly beloved
We are gathered here today
To get through this thing called life

Electric word life
It means forever and that's a mighty long time
But I'm here to tell you
There's something else
The after world

A world of never ending happiness
You can always see the sun, day or night

So when you call up that shrink in Beverly Hills
You know the one, Dr. Everything'll Be Alright
Instead of asking him how much of your time is left
Ask him how much of your mind, baby

'Cause in this life
Things are much harder than in the after world
In this life
You're on your own

And if the elevator tries to bring you down
Go crazy, punch a higher floor

If you don't like the world you're living in
Take a look around you
At least you got friends" - Prince

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VII

@SaintAlien From what I've read, you're a strong woman and never let anyone tell you any differently. I'm once again very sorry to hear about what you've been through and to see you also are going through this aswell hurts me inside knowing such a kind soul is going through so much at once. Hang in there, we're all with you along the way.

I myself suffer from a generalized depression disorder, how ever I have very negative effects towards anti-depressants. Perhaps you or anyone else would have advice on what I should do at this point? From a doctors perspective, they want to up my dosage on the benzos I'm on which is completely unnecessary seeing I need to be on less not more! 

I mean is there anything at all that helps? I've been in and out of therapist offices my whole life and I'm not sure where to turn now. I've been on almost every combination they can legally prescribe me that's in the book for both my anxiety disorder and depression disorder. I actively practice positive thinking, however depression likes to kick that in the butt and say "nope" at times which is the only way I can describe it.

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Biteme
On 4/29/2015 at 6:49 PM, Suzie said:

My pain management doctor wanted me to take anti-depressant and I said I was not depressed I was in pain.  Then she said that it is a vicious circle and depression can cause pain but I just wrote it off as b.s. thinking she just didn't want to prescribe pain meds.  Then recently someone told me that when she took anti-depressant years ago it made her pain go away so now I don't know what to think.

I managed to quote you twice somehow, sorry. SNRIs can definitely improve pain. Trams are basically an SNRI + a mild opioid and are what I use now to manage both depression and pain. Part of the problem is pain perception--when you're depressed a little pain can feel like a lot--and SNRIs can take your mind off it. Effexor is prescribed for some pain conditions & they've been using opioids to tx severe depression for years. Another example is when you are in shock and your body produces a lot of adrenaline you don't feel much pain, so it's likely the norepinephrine not the serotonin that reduces pain (norepinephrine is related to adrenaline),

On 4/29/2015 at 6:49 PM, Suzie said:

 

 

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