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sp.k

@myalias I have a friend who is getting treatment. He has been treated with in every way with everything. Nothing works. Month 2 of K infusion twice a week. So far so good.

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sp.k

@porkandbeansboy There are so many options. Killing yourself is not one of them.

Just for one day, take that option off of the table. You will surprise yourself.

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Handsley

@porkandbeansboy I as well have felt more suicidal in the last few years than any time in my life.  I am grieving because my husband died kind of young and unexpected.  When I have the thoughts, I think of a woman I used to know.  Her daughter was around 10 at the time.  The girl's father who was my friend's ex, but she still loved him, just couldn't shake the depression and he committed suicide.  A year later, his teenage son, so the 10 year old's half brother, killed himself at his dad's grave.  The effect I saw it had on these two women keeps me from it.  I also had an ex-boyfriend and his brother's best friend killed himself, left a note to this best friend.  My ex's brother had to be hospitalized.  He went full on schizophrenic within a year of this happening.  I wouldn't do that to my worst enemy, much less the ones I love.  Although the people that do it, I don't think less of them.  I get it, I understand it.  I think about doing it often even though I still have an older son at home.  What kind of crappy mother is that?  I am alive because he still needs me and because his life is already fucked up losing his dad so young.  I don't want to make it worse.  I've already screwed him up enough by my behavior at times.  If you have any family or friends that care for you, you have to keep on getting out of bed each day.  You have value to them in some way even though it doesn't feel like it and it feels like they would be better off without you.  In my life in knowing people that have done this, no one around them is better off.  I've never met one.  I used to think when I was mad at my husband I'd be better of without him, but that wasn't true either.  Please message me if you need to chat.  No one talks about this, but we all think it at some point in our lives.  I've had these thoughts for as long as I can remember, even as a child.  Thoughts are just thoughts, they pass.    Your words in your post have come out of my mouth so many times, I can't count them.   I try to keep myself from the planning by thinking, well, I can't do that at Christmas and I have to finish a project at work and who will take care of my dog, if I do that, my work won't pay the life insurance, my son will be stuck cleaning out the house, how will he take care of my plants, they'll all die.  That seems to help, if you can't stop thinking, find reasons to put it off, you know.  And I am learning that this is how my life will be.  I will be alone. My family and spouse are gone and my son will go on to have his own life.  I am working on accepting that's the way it will be.  I will never have that beautiful life I had again, but there may be some highlights left that I don't want to miss so there is a shred of hope.  I know you have a shred of hope because you voice it on here.  So keep on keepin' on.

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Scilenny420

S isomer by the way people, R isomer feels more like a mildly psychedelic benzodiazepine. Good food for coming down but when you see the people who look like their feet are cemented into the ground that's r iso most likely.

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