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Marriage is not what I'd hoped


Maybesomeday

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Silver Shadow

Oh I just saw that he hit you..hellll no. Leave!!! The bf I had hit me in the face and that is what started me thinking about my husband again. Not once has my husband ever laid a hand on me. Nor would he ever. There is never a good excuse for that crap. Ever!!!

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Unexpected read to me as well.  I read it, took it all in and then asked myself, 'Well, what does that have to do with the price of rice in China?' - or better yet, how does it relate to Marriage is n

My wife and I have been together for 34 years. We got married when she was 19 and I was 20. We had a child on the way and I was finishing college. Throughout the 34 years there have been good times

I have been pretty quiet on here lately, as I have had a lot of personal things going on in my life that have been extremely difficult to deal with. For example, my Dad, who has two cancers, one that

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Allhoney75

Sorry, I just saw the hitting part too.....let him step honey. It's never gonna stop.

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Silver Shadow,

I posted earlier under the "So I'm getting a Divorce" thread....so maybe I have divorce on my brain today. I think your advice about marriage is quite accurate. And it's admirable to separate and reconnect several times - and find the root cause of the tension. My therapist told me yesterday the success to a long term healthy marriage is staying interested in each other. She cited a study that monitored married couples and their response to things like, "Come look at this pretty bird." If the partner came to look at it, and showed interest, they were more likely to stay coupled. However, if the partner showed no interest in viewing the "pretty bird" it translated to not showing interest in his/her partner. Which ultimately led to the demise of marriage and the uncoupling process.

From my experience, married 11-years and recently divorced, my former spouse (herein referred to as douchebag) - never showed interest in my opinions (actually he was quite the contrarian), my feelings, my day...he just liked being married to the image of a beautiful, intelligent woman. He loved my image - not me. And when our first daughter was born...four years after being married, the withdrawal process began. Because now I was a SAHM - and that image of a beautiful, intelligent woman diminished quickly and was replaced by an overtired, distracted Mommy. Our second daughter was conceived IUI because sex/intimacy became unnecessary. So while I was home with a newborn and a two-year old (born 2-years and 5-days apart), douchebag accepted a job in NYC (we live in GA), played tennis on the weekends, napped, zoned the fuck-out....but was definitely not present or involved in family life.

And that Asian Bride thread - God! Reminds me soooo much of me....always trying to work harder, never asked for "self" time, managed and organized his family and home life so he wasn't burdened with any decisions, prepared homemade meals 3X a day, paid all the bills, did all the errands, never nagged....but he withdrew more and more. He had complete freedom. In the year 2012, based on phone records, he called me 26 times - and he worked in NYC!!! He said he didn't like to call because I always "bitched" about my day! When in reality, I was just sharing my day - and if I wasn't blowing Sunshine out my ass he considered comments like, "I brought the dogs to the Vet today and the girls were really hyper in the waiting room," as being overtly negative.

After our children were born, we could just never connect at any level. And I did try over and over to communicate with him - but vacant stares were all I received.

"But I got a blank space baby, and I'll write your name!"

Bloom

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Alfapharm

We have a saying in my country that a woman is marrying hoping that the man will change, and the man is marrying hoping that the woman will not change.

Obviously none of them receives what he/she was expecting :)

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Bobarctor

I impulsively got married a couple years ago and I'm miserable. I was sober at the time and then I relapsed, and now I seem to relapse every few months. Drugs seem to be the only escape. The problem is for some reason my wife likes me way more than I like her. I'm too chicken to divorce her, but being married I keep building up pressure until I go back to drugs because I'm so unhappy. Sorry for bitching I don't know what to do.

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mountaincat9

I know this is an old post but I must say when I see a wedding being set up, or a girl shopping for a wedding dress I can't help but say under my breath...... Don't do it!!!!

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Sunrise81

I’ve been married twice and I’ll never do it again. First was an abusive (emotional and mental...physical abuse was on the horizon) asshole, second was a narcissistic asshole (this dude literally had every single trait of a narcissist). 

Whenever people tell me they’re getting married, I immediately say “Make sure you really know who you’re marrying. Take the ‘rose-colored’ glasses off and see their true self. 

And yes, I’m bitter as hell! But so would you if you were married to these guys. Esp the 2nd ex-hubby. I just have zero faith in marriage. Both ex’s changed for the worse after marrying them. But there were warning signs before each marriage...I just chose to ignore them and leave those shit rose glasses on. Lol. But...those glasses got torched and will never be used again. 

I look at it this way: I have enough of my own problems & issues to deal with/worry about...I sure as hell don’t need anybody else’s.  

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Handsley

Under the law, marriage is a legal contract, at least in the U.S.   I don't want to be in a monetary legal contract ever again.  Look at what happens on here, even the vendors that you don't even know screw you over and I bet the women to men ratio for that is much higher. I"ve also been married twice and both were shit, but when my second husband died 3 years ago, realized how much I loved him.  He was verbally abusive and treated me like shit, but it's even worse having no one to help, no one to say good night to, no one to vacation with, someone to at least help minimally with the kids, especially someone to discuss your day with.  I also would never get married again, but a non-monetary companion would be nice.  I am only in mid-50s, I look passable, but in my heart of hearts, I know there will never be another man interested in me and I will have to live alone trying to fix lawnmowers and move furniture by myself till I die with no family or friends to help.  COVID sure hasn't helped at all.  More loneliness.   I swear I love my dog more than anyone I know.

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