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CAHEpiphany

Love you guys. Taking a break off this forum for a bit, since I've definitely loosened my harm reduction practices with cathys and it's fucking with my head (thanks again for the reality check @vs322)

but i'll check PMs and respond to mentions. Love y'all ♥️♥️♥️

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I’m a bit nervous about posting this but here goes. My depression has been hitting hard lately. I’m 28 years old now and have struggled with it since I was about 7. I have a good doctor. I don’t need

@Clarissa you are so kind and helpful. You and @DoomKitty have brought so much to the forum and I am so grateful to have you both here. @CAHEpiphany I love you to death. I am so sorry your having

@Heavenlee  Im offically worried abosouley sick about you, I pray you are healthy and safe. And let us know youre okay and being taken care of. Our last convos had be really worried about you. Youre

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Clarissa
13 hours ago, jtab said:

 I think I need to learn to love myself, realizing my strengths and working on my weaknesses.  Life is too short to be unhappy, but I long to find a passion and ultimately my purpose and meaning in life. Just the meaning of life in general. I long to understand, find faith and drive.

@jtab Not sure I can help you there -- the meaning of life in general.  My suggestion is to just take some baby steps and find your passions and purpose.  Leave the rest of the world to figure out the meaning of life.  Just focus on yourself.  There are a lot of things you can do.  There's so much information on the Internet you could take online classes or look for certain career fields you may be interested in.  I didn't know computing was an option for me until I looked online and saw all the possible degree's and opportunities.  Sometimes we take the Internet for granted but it's your best learning tool and you should leverage it more often! Something I've always wanted to do is learn another language (like Russian or Arabic).  There's lots of jobs that pay well for translators and bi-lingual individuals (this is just an example).

I've been in so many bad and unhealthy relationships that I promised myself I would work hard, make a lot of money, and then just be selfish.  So after I'm done being selfish (which is well-deserved) then maybe I'll consider letting someone else in lol.

I'd fucking lose it if I lost my Mom, but like I said before, you seem to have a great support system with you.  I hate 12-step programs, but I agree with the phrase "One day at a time".  It helped me get through some rough patches.  If you have a shitty day that's fine, just know you can wake up the next morning and win the lottery (a bit dramatic) but you get what I mean.  You just keep going because that's what you HAVE to do.  Hopefully in a few years you look back and barely remember this rough patch.  It may seem like the end of the world now, but if you keep going eventually things have to start getting better.  That's what I have to believe at least.

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Tara

@Clarissa

I’m just now reading your post. 
Thank you so much for sharing your experience with depression.

I like your wording, “Turn down the volume in my head.” 
I completely relate to that. 
You sound like a brilliant human being who has overcome a lot of adversity and not only survived but thrived. 
 

Once again, thank you for sharing. I enjoyed reading your story. 💜

 

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Tara
On 9/4/2020 at 3:26 PM, Whoopiegoldburgg222 said:

@jtab  You're a great person, I appreciate having you around

Same! ❤️

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Tara

@Heavenlee

I’ve been thinking about you a great deal. Please know how special you are to me. 
Shoot me a pm when you have time. 
No pressure though. 
Love you! ❤️

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Clarissa
On 9/30/2020 at 10:11 PM, Tara said:

@Clarissa

I’m just now reading your post. 
Thank you so much for sharing your experience with depression.

I like your wording, “Turn down the volume in my head.” 
I completely relate to that. 
You sound like a brilliant human being who has overcome a lot of adversity and not only survived but thrived. 
 

Once again, thank you for sharing. I enjoyed reading your story. 💜

 

@Tara I should be thanking you for being brave enough to create this thread for all of us to share our stories.

I was really inspired by you and everyone else here who came forward to share their experiences.

I thought sharing mine was the best way to show my appreciation and to make a contribution here.

I hope you are well and staying safe and feel free to reach out if you ever need to talk ❤️

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@Clarissa

Please feel free to pm anytime as well. 💜

Edited by Tara
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No worries here.  I’m glad you have a dr appointment. That should definitely help. And I’m happy to see that you’re trying to find a solution as so many don’t or just can’t.  Just a few more days. Hang in there. Best wishes!!!!!

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@jtab

Thank you. 💜

I’m so sorry. I actually wasn’t aware that you deal with chronic pain. 
Are there effective treatments for inflammation? 

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@TaraI’ve been seeing a few drs but they can’t really pinpoint what’s causing it. I was on a steroid for a while and that helped dramatically but that was only for 2 weeks as prescribed by the dr. I’m currently seeking a neurologist, but I’ll be ok.  Thank you for asking.

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Heavenlee
1 hour ago, Tara said:

I’m concerned there’s a possibility that any replies I’ve posted in the last week may have across as angry or offensive.

I’m so sorry if that has been the case. 
Because I love everyone on this forum and the last thing I would ever want is hurt anyone here, I’ll explain what’s going on. 

For the last week or so, my depression has made it difficult to function. 
It’s all I can do to struggle through work and class (thankfully, this is my last semester). 
 I’ve been resorting to some unhealthy coping mechanisms in a vain attempt to get some relief. 
BUT, I called my doctor. I have an appointment on Monday at 8. I trust her and am confident she will know the right thing to do. 
I love you all. Talk soon. 💜

@Tara you have done nothing wrong. You are probably the sweetest person I know besides @jtab and @CAHEpiphany both have been a Godsend returning after being sick. You have nothing to apologize for. I did apologize because embarrassing enough I honestly can not remember. Hypoxia is no joke as @CAHEpiphany especially where I live. Too high for my taste. 

Please don't worry you are the sweetest person here.

@jtab I am so sorry I do not know how I missed your bouts of inflammation. You must have an autoimmune problem.Steroids are a great relief I agree but they have horrible side effects. But they do work. I hope your doctor can find the reason why. Personally I probably saw 10-15 doctors before I was diagnosed with too many I can count. Menopause is a bitch.

If your neurologist can not pin point it try an endocrinologist maybe. I had a DNA marker test done and they found all my markers and was sent to my liver doctor now heart doctor and endocrinologist  Believe me, I know how frustrated it can be. Knowing there's something wrong but no one can tell you what it is. I went through years of it and it drives you crazy.

I am sending you my best wishes I can clearly understand what you are going through. Much love Hev 

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@jtab
 

I’m sorry I’m just now replying my friend. 💜

 I saw my doctor today and she adjusted my meds but for now, I still feel weighed down by the depression which makes engaging with others really difficult. 

I hate that you have to endure that kind of pain. 
I’ve never struggled with chronic pain so I can only imagine how miserable it must be.
I’m assuming steroids are not a long term option. Is that right? 
 

 

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No problem.  I just really hope it gets better for you. I hate that you feel that way.  Thank you for your reply. While yes, it’s painful, it’s more worrisome because I don’t know what it is, so I constantly worry ...what if? Steroids can be long term or short term and mine was the latter.  I’ll be ok. Just nice to have friends in here to talk with.

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@jtab

It can take a couple weeks to feel the full effect of a med adjustment. I’ve been through this several times. I usually start feeling at least a little better, within a few days.

The “not knowing” must be SO frustrating. Did someone suggest that it might be a neurological issue? 

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