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Terrified


VeXXeD ViXXie
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porkandbeansboy

Heck... I had to ask my Dr. when my blood work showed High White Blood Cell Count and he said it could just simply be allergies and of course I asked "Well what is the worse case scenario?" and he said it could be blood cancer. Now I last had my Blood Sample took and they put the needle or whatever and when they took it out they must of nicked a nerve or some. Now I go to get my renewal for my Tetanus Shot and my heart rate was rising and I was a bit nervous before hand and maybe the higher HR/BP caused what felt like a Bee Sting x10 Thousand in the amount of pain it caused and it was hurting like REALLY BAD I said and the Nurse said "Really proceeding to say how the needle is out and it is over with." 


  I couldn't believe it was already done... I don't remember my last tetanus shot being painful but I am too scared not just because of getting another nerve accidentally hit during a blood test but the idea of knowing which considering last Test my white blood cell count was down it's most likely allergies. I even had a Heart Test and they Called Me saying it was urgent and left that message had Me crying in the shower thinking "omfg I am going to die from what ever is causing these chest pains" point is I can't imagine how he is feeling but I mean.


  I told him how I was worried about him being a good friend and the idea of loosing him would destroy Me especially the more I am getting to know him and how great of a guy he is. He said and I quote when I told him this, " I am not stressing or worried about it man and it's happening to Me. Don't worry about Me eh... just live your Life and we'll hang." 


  He told Me one of many reasons he doesn't want to get checked up is cause they took his pain meds away from him and he told his Dr. "I'm not an idiot, I know it's not helping my pain but it's giving Me a reason to get up and Live my Life day to day and you guys want Me to go through all the suffering that comes with Cancer without my Pain Medication which all it does for Me is help Me cope by making it so I'm not in a bad mood and miserable. 


  He says his Dr. has been very understanding and Prescribed his pain Medication back to him but I think he might not be telling the truth about that. I believe a patient with more severely advanced cancer who he is taking care of and doesn't want to take away his right to be able to smoke cigarettes since most of the places that take care of people which I think is a hospice or however you spell it assuming that is the correct he specifically doesn't want to bring his friend there since he said he doesn't want to take away his independence.


The person who he met who has Cancer too I believe is sharing his Pain Medication with him since he got his Prescription increased by a lot to much higher doses based on what he is telling the Dr. as his advocate since the guy does know a lot about Medical stuff being someone who is suffering from Cancer too but we all do what we got to do to cope some people just can't understand that. 


  Everything you said I've been trying to do but I think the lack of time for both of us and like I am like in the middle of my personal problems but I try to see him once a week at the very minimum just to see what's up but thank you for the advice it is sound and seems good. 

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  • 2 months later...
  • Grand Poobah

@porkandbeansboy I do hope all is WELL 

I had my own little scare .. 3D mamma on my left tit found a strange star shape thing that seemed to form . 

I skipped a mammogram last year 😕 never do this ! After age 45 ish . Any who after nearly 100 pics , 2 sonograms and a near needle biopsy I am in the clear for re check on the little plotting burger 🍔 for 4-6 months .. the final doc said he did not feel comfortable taking a sample of tissue on a target so small and some what elusive. But when they catch it on some shots it’s there . It could be mashed up tissue .. so they are waiting to compare more pics . Thinking it will resolve itself. If it is something by then it will be grabable I guess .. boy do they kinda scare you BUT they always side on cation .. plus these 3D mother X-ray machines pick up on a fart :) sounds like ... so to anyone going in for a needle bio or their 1800 mammogram pic the odds are likely in your favor !!! I am under 50 and have a 2nd cousin who survived breast cancer in her 50s I just found out .. thanks distant mom .. and a great aunt same side who survived it as well and n her late 60s . 

That I did not know till before the last appointment.  

I too tend to blow off such things invasive .. and now I owe a couple more grand to the great American healthcare system.. you think they would give one a slight refund at some point in such a mind fuck journey..

hope everyone is healthy and healed 

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  • 3 months later...
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OnceMoreIntoTheBreach

Diet can effect the speed and growth rate of any benign or malignant form of cancer. 

In particular, cancer cells more than any others in your body require methionine.  So any diet low in methionine will reduce the speed at which it grows. 

For example, chicken and turkey are things you should absolutely not eat when you have cancer.  Red meat, as counterintuitive as it may sound is much healthier for you. 

This isn't the best source I've selected below, but there are thousands of sources which all say the same thing, methionine poor diets are what you want when you have cancer:

https://www.naturalmedicinejournal.com/journal/2015-12/role-methionine-cancer-growth-and-control

Even though the above article claims it, I am not certain if methionine poor diets will kill cancer cells, but it will definitely greatly impede their growth.

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  • 4 weeks later...
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porkandbeansboy

My friend recently passed away, he was alive a lot longer than they thought he would of. Least it wasn't too painful in the end he was actually pretty well managed in his pain. May my good friend R.I.P. has got me thinking more about life and how I want to live mine.

Edited by porkandbeansboy
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  • Grand Poobah

@porkandbeansboy So sorry to hear of your friends passing.  My heart goes out to you, it is never easy.  Take care and stay strong!

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porkandbeansboy

I appreciate that @DoomKitty I'm trying to not let myself get into any kind of negative "thought loop" for lack of a better way to explain it.

Edited by porkandbeansboy
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  • 3 weeks later...
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porkandbeansboy

Thank You the Private Messages and the Posts from all the people here mean a lot during this tough time in my life I truly do appreciate it. @bud

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  • Emerald Sponsor
5 hours ago, porkandbeansboy said:

Thank You the Private Messages and the Posts from all the people here mean a lot during this tough time in my life I truly do appreciate it. @bud

In general we are lucky to have a supportive group here.  I hope you continue on a path of emotional healing.

There have been a lot of darned Cancer deaths in my circle lately and I can totally feel for you at this time

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  • 5 months later...
  • Diamond Sponsor

@Fargo I couldn't 'agree more with you in the last year my husband lost his two brothers to lung cancer then I was diagnosed I had part of my liver out and went through chemo. It made my husband crazy. Seriously he was in a mental health facility for six weeks  He was broken but getting better. I can't stand the word and  wish it could be out of our vocabulary.

@Vickydog you are so right the C word scares people to death. But its not contagious and people with cancer need someone I went through it with my pug. He is my emotional support dog.

@VeXXeD ViXXie sorry so late to respond but I know what you went through. I hope your better now please update us on your status!

Love and thoughts to you

Heavenlee

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  • 3 months later...
  • RUBY Sponsor
On 6/6/2019 at 6:25 AM, porkandbeansboy said:

Thanx appreciate the advice... The partially worrying part is he doesn't seem to be worried about it despite not having a check up in like a long time.

My father was the same exact way with lung cancer.  He lied to me about dr. visits because I was on him all the time and I really regret this.  I wish I would have honored his wishes and enjoyed our time together more.  He got in a "I've fallen and I can't get up" situation and couldn't reach the phone until he finally remembered my phone number by heart the next day.  I will never forget him laying there so sick from not drinking or eating.  Then he finally had to go by ambulance and we arranged for him to die at home, he let it get way too big.  I believe this is the way he wanted it.  He saw me take care of my mother for 3 years and her get every kind of experimental treatment and I believe he just didn't want to put anyone through what we went through with her because he was the one I'd call when I was crying.  I am of the same mindset as him.  If I get sick, I'm not going to bankrupt my family and get treatment and I understand completely how your friend is thinking.  I know the best times of my life are over now and I have my memories so that's okay with me.  I would say just listen to your friend and check on him often.  Tell him you'll go with him to the doctor if he wants to.  My family also forced my MIL to get treatment when she didn't want it and I saw the toll it took on her even though it worked.  I wanted a better death for them all.  Good luck and I hope your friend stays around for a long time.

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@Handsley thank you for sharing some of your most painful and personal experiences.  It was touching to read.  I also went through the horrific cancer experience with my dad, and I can relate to most of what you wrote.  My dad fortunately didn’t have to suffer long as he was gone within 3 months of his diagnosis. He however, did his share of suffering.  He had it almost in his entire body from brain, lung, colon, liver to the bones. He was working 3 jobs up until his diagnosis, and no one had any idea that most likely the cancer had been growing and spreading for years.  The brain cancer was particularly horrible as it robbed him of his character and lucidity and took away a good month from us to actually be able to communicate with him intelligibly before he passed. He hallucinated and would get violent although naturally he was a gentle nature man.  I being his primary care taker and still in my twenties, and him being a big guy, it got rather scary at times, although I completely understood it was not at all his fault. I tried relentlessly to get him not only the best treatment but all the treatments I could and if I knew then what I know now, that ultimately he was going to pass anyway, I would forgo all of it and would of let him rest and not be pricked and probed or I would not of been on him so much about going to the dr, so I can certainly relate with you there, but we only did that because we loved them and didn’t want to lose them right? There’s nothing wrong with that. That’s love, and we had no way of knowing that it wouldn’t work. You did the best you could. There’s no manual for this stuff. 

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@jtab.   I would like to recommend a book to you if you or any members that are up to reading it.  It's called "How We Die."  It's a very scientific book about the process of death, what the likely cause of death is by study and the stats, but it really opened my eyes that 80% of us will go out with lots of pain and suffering.  It is not an easy read.  However, the way society covers up the process I believe is detrimental to the concept of a quality life at the end.  Your dad's violence at the end is part of the process.  Please don't take it personally.  Some people are so heartbroken to die and leave their family in a mess that they push them away, although it seems as if he had brain cancer, that would affect him.  That sucks to be scared of someone.  I broke a couple bones and got sick of all the dr. visits, therapy, so I can't even imagine someone with cancer.  At least I was comforted by the fact that there will be an end to the bone healing.  I don't blame anyone at all for getting tired of it and being done.  I've found it's so individual for each person.  My mom just wanted all this treatment and wanted to keep going on the chemo to the point where I was saying "Are you sure?"  Of course, I knew her chances were only 20% and didn't have the heart to tell her.  Other people I've known haven't wanted anything.  I was shocked plus happy to see a euthansia section on this board.  I am gathering my thoughts on that subject and bravo to @admin for creating it.   Far too many people are undermedicated.  My brother and I, after we said our goodbyes to our dad, just kept drugging him and drugging him with whatever we had so he would not wake up.  We basically OD'd him and could not talk about it openly with each other.  We just looked at each other and said every time he stirred, we would drug him again and all drs and nurses leave that up to the family if you are dying at home in hospice care.  We saw what our mom went through and decided this time would be different.  I've only told that to a very few people in fear of judgment, but here it is semi-anonymously and I should repost on the euthanasia thread and get that going.  On the other hand, my husband my husband's father went out quick and pretty painless.  All of us say we want to die in our sleep, but if you do, you have won the death lottery, so to speak.   Well, sorry to talk so shockingly, but it's a subject that we need to talk about more as a society and we've made tons of strides in this area in my lifetime.  Don't be afraid to be with someone dying even if they are in pain.  I've been present at many deaths and it is a sacred moment and one of the ultimates in selfless love to be holding someone's hand at the end and telling them they can let go and you will both be okay, and it's a shitty thing when you can't say goodbye.  That being said, I think there's one more person I may be called upon to do this with and then I'm calling a truce.

Edited by Handsley
typos!
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  • 11 months later...
  • Opal Sponsor

My wife has breast cancer and it scares the shit out of me.I try to stay strong and always listen to her and try not to flip out.She says it makes her super scared to see me cry so I also have to hold my shit super together.I am trying to make sure she gets the best care I can. She stopped seeing her Drs and the one hospital as they made her feel uncomfortable and didn’t listen.My insurance paid for a second opinion and if the second opinion included a onsite visit with care recommendations my insurance pays for 100% coverage of all hospital bills,travel,food,hotels etc .Well the Mayo Clinic recommended we come see them 12hrs away .After around 23 appointments in 4 days she found out she no longer has option for lumpectomy and has to have mastectomy.The cancer at the clinical stage is 2 but that’s probably gonna change.They have found the cancer in so far 1 lymph node under her armpit on left side and like 3 tumors in left breast.Right breast is ok but with two spots they said if she keeps it they advice keeping on eye on them.As part of the testing she has had genetic testing all negative ,7 biopsies,pet/ct scan showed no spread but showed somethings on liver and uterus.So we got ultrasound of liver they said they cysts,US of uterus and ovaries says fibroids.We now go meet with the surgeon and in a few weeks surgery for her .She had decided she wants both Breast (traitor tits in her words)gone with reconstruction and also wants a hysterectomy and oophorectomy.Oh the tumors are grade 2 ER+PR+HEr2-neg.I’m so overwhelmed and can’t stop worrying .I love my wife she is my world .Will be 18 years in a month that we have been married .We have stopped smoking cigarettes after over 25 years of doing so.Was the hardest thing to do especially cold turkey no nicotine replacement as nicotine itself is bad for cancer.Sorry for the rant I’m just a mess holding all this in.

Edited by idkwhy
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  • Grand Poobah

No need to apologize and glad you could get some of that out, its a lot to hold in an carry with you all the time.  The unknown can feel so fucking perilous.  Been in similar situations an unlucky number of times.  Sending you and your wife lots of strength and resilience and prayers.  Take all the care you are able and feel free to rant here as much as you need.

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